John Mtongoi’s story is one of quiet sacrifice and unspoken duty. At 25, following the death of his father, John found himself shouldering the weight of family responsibility without any formal acknowledgment or ceremony. This role, which began as a natural extension of helping his aging father, soon became the defining aspect of his life.

Even during his school holidays, John chose to work at the family business rather than rest, preparing himself for the future demands that awaited him. Over time, his obligations expanded beyond supporting his mother and siblings to include nieces and nephews, making his sense of duty all-encompassing.

Despite his own dreams of entrepreneurship and personal growth, John’s priorities consistently came second to the needs of his family. He admits to struggling with paying himself from the family business, feeling tied to a responsibility that left little room for personal advancement.

At one point, frustration led John to hand back the keys to the family shop, disillusioned by others taking from the business without repayment. However, his mother’s reminder of the sacrifices their father made and the legacy he left motivated John to recommit.

Family Perspectives on Shared Responsibility

John’s sister, Sofia Mtongoi, believes the expectation for John to carry the family burden was placed on him from an early age, simply because he was the eldest son. She advocates for a shift away from one-person responsibility to a more collective approach, emphasizing the importance of independence and honest family dialogue.

Psychologist Natasha Mugambi supports this view, noting that while supporting family is a cultural strength, it becomes problematic when the entire burden falls on a single individual indefinitely. She suggests that healthier families distribute responsibilities and foster independence among members.

John’s nephew, 19-year-old Khalid Omar, acknowledges his uncle’s sacrifices but is clear that he does not wish to assume similar responsibilities in the future, emphasizing the toll such burdens take on personal growth and freedom.

Looking Ahead

After four decades of prioritizing his family’s welfare, John Mtongoi now dreams of exploring the world and focusing on his own life. Yet, he remains committed to the value of family support, believing sacrifice should be shared, not borne by one person alone.

“Family should support each other. That’s part of our African culture,” John says. “But one person shouldn’t have to carry everyone.”